You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
