I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
