How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
