Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
