So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
