I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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