Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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