I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
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