Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
