Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
