go do what you do best...puke behind churches
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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