Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
