no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
