he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
