i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
