i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I have tasted many bathrooms
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
