i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
