I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
