Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
