cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
