the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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