do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
