all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
