I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Vodka?
Forever.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
