I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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