how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
