kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
