PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Randomize
