Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I stole a fireplace last night.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
