He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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