he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
