she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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