And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Barsexuality is the new black.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
