is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
why is half of my head shaved?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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