come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
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