Already got asked if we're dating
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
