You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Randomize
