well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
