i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
