I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
