I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
