Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
