my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
