What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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