If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
