When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
