I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
