i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
