is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
