I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
We don't watch enough power rangers
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
