I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
