You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
