i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
